In Defense of Britney—no, Really

Not a topic I would have anticipated resuming this blog with, [tag]Britney Spears[/tag], but then how more topical and timely can I be? And surely more interesting to potential readers than some inane introspective on why I haven’t blogged in so long.

For the record, I don’t care for Britney Spears. Never did like her music—most popular music at best doesn’t annoy me; Britney’s music was just so much background noise to me, and that’s about all I can say. That “I Did It Again” song didn’t make me want to kick a small dog.

Oh sure, she was attractive as a generic example of mainstream [tag]pulchritude[/tag], I suppose—I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers, if it came down to that—provided I wasn’t involved with someone else at the time. That doesn’t really make sense, does it? You get the idea.

And I can think of a dozen examples off the top of my head from [tag]popular culture[/tag] that I find much more attractive, that I would crawl over a dozen Britneys to get to—expand the list to musicians in obscure bands and the list would grow exponentially. Add Southeast Asia and the list becomes immensurate.

In short, she has always been just another disposable [tag]pop music[/tag] icon to me; nothing particularly more or less special than those that came before her, or those that have come after. Christina/Lindsey/Jessica whatever-their-names-are.

So it may be surprising for me to address all of her detractors following her apparently lackluster performance on MTV’s video music award show, and for me to say: fuck you.

At the end of the day, Britney puts her pants on one leg at a time; if she eats too much fiber, I’m sure she farts. So she’s in her mid 20s, probably finally getting a sense of who she is, not what everyone else in her life thinks she should be, divorced the cretin father of her children, told her mom to go to hell—probably something she should have done when she was 15, not 25 with children and a career—but better late than never. And now she’s wondering wtf do I do now? She hasn’t known any other life but showbiz since she was a kid.

In other words, she goes through the same crap that everyone else goes through. The only difference is everyone knows about it, and in a typical aspect of our celebrity culture, we all slag her for it, because it makes us feel superior. We all love it when [tag]celebrities[/tag] screw up—it makes us feel good about ourselves.

I’m no different. The thing is, once you realize this, it all just becomes sort of sad.

I had to laugh when I overheard people at the coffee shop I hang out at talk about how Britney was fat—once I got over the surprise that there was still an MTV video awards show, or that there is still an MTV, for that matter. I of course looked up the pictures from the awards show, and of course it proved ironic. The girl doing the slagging was considerably more overweight than Britney, who still has a figure that most American women would give their eye-teeth to have. And this girl’s male companion, well, dude, you would be impossibly lucky to score someone with Britney’s bod, paunch and all.

The fact of the matter is, while not the taught, tight jail-bait bod she once had, she looked in better shape than 90 percent of the American population.

So her heart wasn’t in the performance—I can’t help but think that maybe she was thinking: “Jesus, I’m doing the same crap I’ve always done for some lame entertainment industry circle jerk that long ago ceased to be relevant, if it ever was. This is so effing lame.”

Back when she shaved her head, I cheered her on; maybe the shaving of her head was the first bite of the hand that feeds her money and us meaningless celebrity pablum. Maybe she looked like she was going through the motions on MTV because she was—because maybe at 25 or however old she is now, she’s finally growing up.

Or not. Maybe she was just still strung out on whatever booze and drugs are popular on Sunset Strip these days. Maybe she is a complete pop bimbo who doesn’t know what to do now that her 15 minutes of fame are gone.

It doesn’t really matter to me one way or the other. But to all those who want to ridicule her, give her and yourselves a break; that’s pretty damn pathetic. Unless Britney Spears has somehow personally injured you, there’s no amusement in self destruction.