Dear Spammers That Don’t Speaka da English: a Business Proposition

Dear Spammers:

I’ve been perusing your efforts in my spam filter, and I’m constantly impressed with your cleverness. Were it not for the fact that Akismet shows me your domain and email address, I might even be somewhat tempted to possibly believe that maybe — oh, I dunno, one in 1,000 — is a legitimate comment. But more often than not, your use of Google Translate or Yahoo Babelfish is telling. To wit:

“Searscard,”,, writes:

Thanks for publish rather good informations. Your net is good, I am satisfied by the info which you have on this weblog. It reveals how well you recognize this topic. Bookmarked this web page, will appear back again for a lot more. You, my pal, I discovered just the material I previously looked for all over the place and just couldn’t unearth. What a perfect web-site. Similar to this website your webpage is a single of my new favorites.I like this info shown and it has provided me some sort of contemplation to have success for some motive, so keep up the wonderful work!

Yes, I agree that my “net is good,” because I “publish rather good informations.” I’m gratified that I could provide you with “some sort of contemplation to have success for some motive.”

Nevertheless you, my pal, are clearly not a native speaker of English. As you note above “I recognize this topic.”  Thus, I have a business proposition for you. In return for a modest share of your profits, I will be happy to either a) teach you how to speak English correctly, or b) edit your spam for grammar and style before it is sent. I assure you that my rates are affordable.

I look forward to your prompt response and a future business relationship in which we can achieve “contemplation to have success.”

Yours in ESL Instruction,

Jeff Chappell